Sims launch protest against 'funny' names

Yesterday saw the launch of a new campaign against the use of so-called 'funny' names for Sims. Backed by the powerful League of Virtual Americans, the campaign seeks to highlight the growing problem of "Comedy Naming".

"We have traced the origin of this phenomenon back to the Maxis Sims website. Remember the Snooty-Patooties and the Fartmuffins? These families were actually available for download from the Maxis site. It was a green light. People saw that and they thought it was OK to give their Sim a funny name" said Sim campaign manager, Hugh Jass.

Hugh Jass: Large beard, too

"Now, I can take a joke as well as the next Sim, but things have definitely gone too far"

The campaign has certainly struck a nerve in downmarket Neighbourhood Three.

"We need protection from this kind of wanton naming" complained resident Stan Dupp "I share a house with two other guys - Ben Dover and Neil Downe - and I can tell you, it's a real drag. It might seem funny the first time you hear it, but you try living with it"

"I agree" continued neighbour Big Swinging Richard "I'm not quite sure what my name implies to people, but I just know there's a comedy element in there somewhere. It's unsettling. I say ban comedy names"

The League of Virtual Americans hit the headlines last year with its ill-fated campaign for Sim self-determination. Lobbying against the turning off of free-will, the 'Million Sim March' was marred by a disappointing turnout.

Million Sim March: 'Disappointing' turnout

Lessons were learned. With popular Sims rockstars Herb Gardner, Candy Storr and Carol Singer backing the campaign, the League hopes that legislation will be in place by next Fall.

"Until then, we can only ask for people to be more considerate when naming Sims", concluded spokeSim Bjorn Toby Wild.

The Sim says: Follow our example: resist the temptation for low-grade humour at the expense of your Sims. "

God compares himself to Blade

Longtime object-maker, God, today courted controversy by ranking His object-making skills as equal to those of popular Sims Exposed webmaster, Blade.

"Just call me Blade" He boasted in the TSR General Forum, a popular exchange for Sims enthusiasts of exceptional character and good taste. And Blade.

"I have finally figured out how to work the Transmogrifier. Even how to make transparent objects. Fear Me, oh mortals, for I am a Jealous God!"

Condemnation was swift to follow. Within hours the tide of popular opinion was swinging against God, with dozens of outraged repsonses flooding into the forum.

"That's just absurd" contributed one Sims fan "I mean, the Earth was a good enough object - it was His first download after all - but basically it was just a recoloured Mars. No big deal."

God: Seven days

"And it took Him seven days to make it. Blade only takes around 20 seconds for one of his objects. But only if he's being really careful"

Blade: 20 seconds

"God is just a Blade-wannabe" contributed another "Have you seen how often He updates? I'm sorry, but there's no comparison"

God later retracted the comparison, saying He spoke from enthusiasm "I meant it as a light-hearted comment" He said

"I didn't expect anyone to take it seriously. I mean, Blade is the man, you know?"

"I was just excited about the transparency thing. Sorry. You know, what the world needs now, is..."

Sadly, He was cut off before finishing his sentence.

The Sim says: A sense of proportion is useful.
Especially when you design objects"

The Sim, the newest and brightest star in the Sims website firmament, has been awarded no less than three major accolades in the same week.

Burning brighter than a white dwarf, The Sim has impacted on the Sims community like a fiery comet, courting controversy and defying convention. But not wiping out 98% of terrestrial life.

Despite being less than one month old, and offering nothing of any use except one self-serving download, questionable humour and increasingly desperate storylines, The Sim was honoured to receive a new award from RiotSim webmaster Erynn Elisabeth (with an 's').

Special award

"I have created this award just for The Sim" exclaimed RiotSim webmaster Erynn-Elisabeth (with an 's').

"And it's not just for the week. To me, and many others in the Sim community, your site will always be the very definition of lame."

There's more! Not content with just one award, The Sim found itself in receipt of a coveted ''Hey! Link to My Site!" award.

Really special award

Offered exclusively to every other site on the web, this award establishes The Sim as a guiding light in the Sim community.

The Sim says:

"We shall endeavour to maintain the high standards expected of us"

"Truth, honesty, integrity: we can spell these words.
But we have no idea what they mean."

A Mac, earlier today

The huge problem of Mac incompatibility was today thrust into the headlines as a new service for Sims webmasters was launched by The Sim.

"Making a website Mac incompatible used to be a job for experts" said project leader Tracy Island "But with our easy-to-use guide you can pretty much cut Mac users right out of the loop"

"We make it easy!"

Top hints for maximising Mac-user frustration include:

• making all filenames longer than 31 characters
• referring to 'left mouse button' the whole time
• using 8 pt fonts throughout
• using colours that look OK on a PC, but totally suck on a Mac

"It's just a question of thinking through your design" commented anonymous webmaster C, of the S*v*n D**dly S*ms website, "I for one welcome this new service. Anything that increases Mac incompatibility is welcome, in my opinion"

Think different...

...but demand the same software

The service, launching in the new year, will be completely free. Sites using the scheme will be required to display a small 'Mac Unfriendly' logo, which will link back to The Sim in a desparate and obvious attempt to boost circulation.