"It's been bothering me for some time" said Blueprint author Bil, "And I'm happy to report that the problem has been fixed."

"It turned out that the counter was, in fact, functioning perfectly: it was the caption that was wrong"

Sims columnist and forum moderator TobyKat finally took delivery of her new PC yesterday, after reporting that, due to the number of downloads on her hard-drive, her Sims game was taking "way too long" to load.

While estimates vary, it is thought that TobyKat's current hard-drive was nearing the theoretical 'Object Event Horizon', the point at which the sheer weight of downloads causes all surrounding matter to implode into a black hole.

With its 400MHz Ultra-Sparc II processor, 56GB of memory and 2200GB of hard disk, the new system is expected to keep pace with TobyKat's projected Sims downloads "for at least the next six months".

US Government sources revealed that they could "neither confirm nor deny" that the Soldier of Fortune - Special Forces operative John Mullins - had been accidentally deployed to Neighbourhood Five.

Ted Dexter: "Did you hear something?"

In an exclusive off-the-record briefing, one Government official told The Sim:

"We're not supposed to know where he is. He's on a secret mission. We can't say where. But if you live in Neighborhood Five and you were planning to visit relatives, or go on vacation - now would be a good time"

Dear Blade: Does the Love Bed work without Livin' Large installed?
From simsnewbie@aol.com

Dear SimsNewbie: It sounds like you have a problem with the Windows Registry. Delete this and the Love Bed will work just fine.

Dear Blade: Why do some windows turn into stairs?
From simgurl@yahoo.com

Dear simgurl: They do this because you were born in the sign of Gemini. Wait until Pluto moves out of your sign in 2004, delete the Windows registry, then try again.

Dear Blade: I really need a sink that comes in 256 different colours. Can you help?
From sinky@breeze.com

Dear sinky: I'm afraid I can't help you there - I stop at 99 colours. Sorry.

Dear Blade: What is the 'money cheat'?
From asimfanl@pilgrim.com

Dear simgurl: Get your Sim a job, by reading the newspaper or using the PC. Then send the Sim out to work. After a few days, the money should come rolling in.

More high-quality advice next issue!

Paint Shop Pro competition Katherine Long declared the winner! With over 400 Sim fans competing for the same prize, disappointment was inevitable for approximately 399 of them. Chosen at random, Katherine Long had this to say: "What a wonderful way to start the New Year! I'm thrilled! I've been playing Livin' Large semi-non-stop since October and have been itching to try skinning didn't have the tools and so entered the contest. What I want to do is make skins to match characters from Terry Prachett's Discworld fantasy books. I've done quite a few of these characters in 'real clothes' - that is I've dressed up action dolls in crocheted outfits and now want to skin them!" "If anyone wants to take a look, the URL for all my crocheted versions is: http://world.std.com/~kcl/discworlddolls.html" And thanks to competition sponsors Jasc!

Yakov Kasman, the acclaimed Russian pianist, won over his many critics and confirmed his high standing among fans last night with an outstanding performance at the Simville Philharmonic.

A known showman and technical virtuoso, Kasman revealed his softer side with delicate work on the hi-hat and snare in the opening movements of Haydn's G major Sonata and Prokofiev's Sonata No. 8.

Kasman then focused on character pieces - either those intended to be performed sequentially in sets, like Mussorgsky's "Pictures at an Exhibition", or independent pieces, such as the Preludes from Scriabin's Op. 22 and 37. This gave him free rein to exercise both bass pedals, whilst giving scope for several impressive drum rolls.

In true Kasman style, he finished the concert by hurling his sticks into the audience.

The Editor of The Sim, officially the world's favourite Sims tabloid, today revealed a new service for Sims webmasters everywhere: The Frequent Flamer scheme.
Tracy Island	"Simsite webmasters all over the world dread the day their site appears in The Sim" explained scheme coordinator Tracy Island, "With the Frequent Flamer scheme, we can make sure that day never comes"
Here's how it works: You, the webmaster, elect to join at a level which suits you. We then guarantee that neither you nor your site will feature in The Sim for as long as you remain a member - and that's a promise!*

Contact The Editor to discuss the best Frequent Flamer schedule for your needs.

* although not in a legally binding sense.